Dealing with disclosures of sexual assault

Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The most important thing is to respond in a way that maximizes their choice and control over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options, but avoid telling them what they should do.

Remember

They might not want to report the assault to the police of University. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report sexual violence.
In most cases of sexual assault, the offender is known to the victim.
They might be concerned that people won’t believe them or may not identify what occurred as a sexual assault.
They may be concerned who else might be informed.
They may have fear of or confusion about the criminal justice system or what happens if you report it to the University.
If drugs or alcohol were involved, they may choose not report because they are worried they will get in trouble as well.
It is up to them to decide what they want to disclose and to whom. Your support can help them talk through their concerns.
Let them know that you believe them and support their decisions.
Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship states, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
Connect them with resources that can help them understand what happens if you report to the police and or the University.

Things to avoid

Just saying “it’s not your fault” (without listening to the survivor’s story)
Using key ‘catch phrases’ or common sayings – e.g. “ it will all be better with time”
Probing for details. Let them tell you what has happened in their own time
Blaming them – e.g. “what were you wearing?” and “were you drinking?” or “did you text them to come over?”
Showing disgust or shock
Smirking and showing obvious disbelief
“Why didn’t you say straight away? What are you only coming forward now?"
Trivialising the experience – “it was only a bit of fumbling”